Are you feeling the pressure of a new year? Maybe you feel like you need to get your life together and be a completely different person? Are you frustrated or discouraged that you feel like the same exact you even though we’re in a new year? If so, this episode is exactly what you need.
Today we’ll discuss how to honor the season you’re in, even if that means that goal setting isn’t at the top of your priority list and how to shift your beliefs about when you can create change in your life. (P.S. – It’s not just once a year!)
Give yourself permission to not chase after a “new me” in the new year & recognize the lies of the enemy and how to fight back against discouragement & feelings of worthlessness and not being good enough using the things we discuss in this episode.
Today’s talk is full of encouragement and reminders for the mom who feels like she doesn’t measure up or should be further along by now. We’ll relate this practically and spiritually in order to encourage your discouragement.
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FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
(0:00):
Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode! I’m so excited that you’re joining me. Thanks for hanging out. Thanks for being here today. We’re going to talk about “new year, same me.” Okay. What to do when you feel so discouraged about where you’re at in life. And I’m going to kind of talk about some spiritual tips, some spiritual application here.
(0:22):
So if that’s your thing, you are in the right spot, you’re going to love this episode. So let’s dive right in.
(0:34):
There is so much pressure that comes with a new year. Have you ever felt that? Are you feeling it now? Did you feel it at the end of December? Or the beginning of January? There’s so much pressure that you have to be a certain way. Life has to look a certain way. You have to be a certain kind of wife, mom, woman.
(0:50):
And these are all wise that we believe about who we are, about who we should be. But every single year I find, or have found in the past, that there is just this enormous pressure for me to just completely change my life. Be a completely different person. All in a matter of like days or weeks. I feel like that I have to have this complete 180 change and be totally new, totally different with different habits, different thoughts, different routines, all of these things… Basically be living like the perfect life.
(1:22):
Which is so far from reality, and so far all from how real change actually happens. So if that’s how you’ve been feeling toward the end of December and the beginning of January… Now that we’re in 2022, if you have felt this pressure of a new year, today, we’re going to talk about letting that go, how to let it go, how to not put so much pressure on a new year.
(1:45):
Because look, I love setting simple goals every year, every month, even. But if you’re not in a season of life to feel like you can take that on, then I understand, like I have lived there. I’ve been there. To be honest, November and December of last year, I wasn’t really on the goal-setting bandwagon. I was dealing with some personal things that had come up for me, some things I had to really take time and process through.
(2:08):
I had to honor myself in that season. While I had prerecorded the December series, which talks about why you shouldn’t wait for January to create change. I did that in November. I had no idea the circumstances that would be out of my control. The circumstances of life came along and kind of knocked me over a little bit.
(02:27):
Things felt heavy. I didn’t feel motivated, but that’s life. That is what happens. Things are going to happen. And that’s why it’s so, so, so, so, so, so, so important to know yourself. Old me didn’t recognize the triggers. Old me didn’t recognize the patterns. I didn’t know how to cope in a healthy way. New me does, but that takes time.
(2:50):
So get into the practice of being self-aware. Know your triggers, know your automatic thoughts, know what you tend to run to, how you tend to cope. Start to recognize these things in your life. This is some of what we walk through in my program that was once called Thrive, that’s now being revamped and tweaked a little. I’m beyond excited to share it with you once I begin accepting mamas into it again.
(3:10):
So if you want to get on the waitlist, want more information, go to heyitscason.com/more-than-mama. Just a little shameless plug there because I’m so excited and it really does hit on all of these things we’re going to talk about today. But if where you’re at right now, if your season isn’t the best for goal setting and taking steps toward any change, then honor that. Be okay with that. Own it and know that at any moment you can create change because it is as simple as a mindset shift.
(3:37):
Okay. So don’t let December and January be the only time of year you feel like you can set goals or work toward change. Release and let go of the pressure that a new year can bring because setting goals and taking small steps of action toward change… That’s an everyday thing. That’s an every month thing.
(3:56):
It’s a lifestyle. It’s not just a once a year thing. And the sooner you can shift your mindset and your beliefs around this idea of change and what it actually is, the less stuck you’re going to feel because you’ll no longer feel like you’ve missed the boat. Like, “well, dang, I didn’t set a new year’s resolution in January, so I guess I’ll just have to wait a whole other year to think about it.”
(4:15):
You’ll no longer feel like you’ve been left behind and like everyone else is just crushing their New Year’s goals when you realize that you can take steps toward change anytime you choose. And your identity is so important in all of this. Knowing who you are is vital. And maybe you’re like, “well, Cason, I get that.
(4:33):
I want to know myself. I want to reconnect with who I am, who I was before becoming a mom, but I just feel stuck. I feel discouraged.” It’s okay to feel that way. Have you ever thought about honoring your feelings for a minute and letting yourself just feel how you feel? And then we can talk about what shifts need to be made.
(4:50):
But the first thing we have to do is be okay with not being okay. Just letting it be. We believe this lie that we have to, like, it’s not okay to not be okay. It is. It’s okay to feel those feelings. You’re not going to feel 110% all of the time. You’re not always going to be happy and always going to feel how you want to feel.
(5:11):
That is life. So giving our emotions some space to be felt and process, that’s what we have to do first. Then we can take a deeper dive into why we feel this way. Where is it coming from and what deep rooted belief is it tied to? But when we just keep running harder and harder and chasing more and trying to be some version of a mom or a person we aren’t…
(5:32):
It’s not us at all. We end up stressed out, burned out because we’re straining towards something. We’re trying so hard. We’re not striving. We’re not actually working toward something that is serving us. We’re like straining and struggling towards something that’s not really who you are. It’s not really who you were meant to be.
(5:52):
And I know, I know, I know that this is easier said than done, especially with social media in our face. All day, every day. But when we get so focused on what every other mom around us is doing, we lose sight of the family we’ve been given. The life we’ve been given. You’re no longer focused on who you are at your core and who you are becoming.
(6:14):
That’s when you start to fall into comparison. And we begin to believe the lies that tell us “we’re not good enough. You’re not doing enough. You should be further along by now in whatever area it is that you want to see growth. You should be this kind of mom. You should be doing this for your family.
(6:28):
Your kids should be doing this or not doing this.” I just want you to remember. I want to remind you, you are not in a race against anyone else. You’re not trying to keep up with her, whoever she is. If anything, you’re in a race against yourself, you’re trying to be a little bit better than you are yesterday.
(6:45):
At least I think that’s what we all want. Like, even if we don’t have the mental energy to think about it at the moment, that is what you want and you will create that change. You will. But right now just may not be the time. It may not be the season and that’s okay. But when it is, when you feel ready, we have got to start small.
(7:05):
So I want you to stop and think about this question for a minute and it may sting a little bit, but please know that I’m asking myself this same thing, right alongside you. Here it is. Are you striving to become more like your friend? Let’s just call her Rachel. She has it all together. She’s never late.
(7:23):
Her kids are well behaved, always dressed super cute. Or are you trying to be like that Insta mom, Courtney, who just seems perfect? Perfect hair. Perfect skin. Perfect house. Perfect life. Maybe that girl, Meghan? You see her in the school drop off line. She’s always dressed and ready. Hair and makeup done at 7:30 every single morning.
(7:43):
How does she do that? Are we striving to be more like these women who, in reality, are flawed just like we are and have their own set of struggles, or are we striving to become more like Christ? Are we aiming to be the best we can be? Are we moving closer to who we are in him? Are we walking out who he has called us to be?
(8:08):
I have so many role models. I’m not saying, you know, have these people we look up to, but for me, for you, if you’re a Christ follower, as Christians, Jesus is the ultimate prize. You know, he should be the ultimate focus. That’s the example. That is who we’re striving to be more like. It’s not Kristin over here, who seems like she’s got her life together and seems like a perfect mom. You know, and all these names are made up.
(8:33):
They, I’m sorry if that’s your name, I’m not calling you out. I don’t know anybody in real life in those scenarios. So I just totally just pulled those out of my head. Please forgive me. Don’t be offended. I’m not calling y’all. I promise, but feeling discouraged in life is one of the enemy’s greatest tactics.
(8:52):
And when you start to realize that, when you start to recognize it, then you can fight back. If he can get you to feel guilty and shameful about where you are in life, what you’re doing or what you’re not doing, then he can manipulate you into believing that you’re worthless. That you’re a terrible mom.
(9:10):
You’re a terrible wife. You’re a terrible friend. That you’re never going to be good at anything. What, what else does he throw at us? You’ll never be like her. You can’t, you can’t even do something as simple as this. All of these things that you’re not doing, they get thrown in your face or all the things that you keep doing that you really don’t want to do anymore.
(9:29):
Those get thrown in your face. And we start to believe this lie that we are unworthy. That we’re worthless. And as a daughter of the king, as God’s child, you are worthy. Okay. He loves you. He says you are worthy. So let’s look at a few verses that I just hope serve as reminders for you and encourage you.
(9:50):
Joshua 1:9 says, “have I not commanded? Be strong, be courageous, do not be afraid, do not be discouraged for the Lord, your God will be with you wherever you go.” And I’m putting some emphasis on some different words. These aren’t going to be like the standard version of these verses maybe you’ve heard, because for some of us… We’ve grown up in the church, we’ve heard these verses our whole lives.
(10:19):
And we need for God to fall fresh on our hearts to renew our minds, to awaken and stir something within us so that we can shake this discouragement, this heaviness. Okay. Romans 8 verses 31 and 38-39. “Say what then, shall we say to these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Death, life, angels, demons, fears for today, or worries about tomorrow.
(10:55):
Not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky, above or in the earth below. Indeed, nothing in all of creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Amen.” Is anybody else, like want to just scream? I’m like, woo! Okay.
(11:19):
Hopefully that wasn’t too loud. I’ll have to like edit that down, make it not be so loud in your ears. The last one is Colossians 3, verse two. It says “set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Do you know what that means to me? This is just Cason’s interpretation. It means I’m to set my mind on things, above things, of Christ, holy things, heavenly things. Not earthly things. Not comparing myself to this mom over here, not comparing my body to her body, not comparing my home to her home, or my car, or my kids, or my clothes, or the food that we eat, the meals that I prepare, whatever it is. Don’t set your mind on those things.
(12:00):
Don’t get caught up in this idea of who you should be, this race against someone else. That’s not, that’s not who you are in Christ. That is not what God wants for you. That is not how you’re called to walk. He calls you to be holy and set apart, to walk in abundance, to walk in freedom. How good do those things sound? Grace, love and mercy.
(12:22):
These things are yours. Do you believe it? Do you truly believe it in your life? I don’t think that we do all the time, because if we did, we wouldn’t get caught up in comparison. We wouldn’t walk around so discouraged all of the time. Okay. And I’m not preaching at you here. This is me like speaking to myself.
(12:40):
Remember in the beginning of this episode, I said I was really down? I felt really heavy November and December. There are things that happen and I’m going to get to some quotes in a minute, but we have a choice in it. And sometimes choosing what our flesh, choosing the opposite, I should say of what our flesh wants and what comes naturally to us as a reaction…
(13:01):
Choosing something different is not always easy. But the more that you can get into the practice of doing it, the more we ask God through prayer to give us strength, to help us, the easier it does become. Okay. So stop looking at what you can see. Stop for just a minute, looking at yourself and your circumstances, and what’s not going right.
(13:23):
What you’re not doing right. Stop looking at your life, like for a minute. Just stop even looking at anything, earthly, anything you can see and turn your eyes to God. The one who created you. The fact that you’re listening to this right now is evidence of the miracle that is you in your life. You are so intricately woven, your being is so dynamic and complex.
(13:47):
Your breath and heartbeat are enough to stop and praise God right now. And depending on your level of discouragement, that may be all you can see as a blessing. Trust me, I know because I have been there. Depression and anxiety has consumed me and left me feeling totally empty, hopeless, and discouraged.
(14:08):
And it’s satan, every time. When I am tempted to take my eyes off Christ. When you are tempted to take your eyes off of Christ and your identity in him, the hope we have in him, that’s when it happens, every single time. And it will happen because we live in a broken world. So it’s something that we’re going to fight for the rest of our lives.
(14:29):
We’re going to fight this discouragement. And that can be tiring to even think about and accept, especially as a mom, especially as a new mom, especially as a mom of multiple children in the early years, like we’re just tired. Y’all we’re tired and I get it. And I know that God gets it. He sees you. He knows. And he says that true rest is found in him, but he tends to be the last place that we go to for rest.
(14:56):
He’s like a last resort for some reason. Make him your priority, make him the first thing you turn to. Make him your focus and watch your life shift. Watch your life completely change. I’m telling you, I’m telling you, I’m telling you. Okay. So here are some quotes that I have. It’s just a couple of them. And some of them are very well-known figures of faith.
(15:16):
And I want to share them with you because I think it’s so easy to look at these people, like who are some popular names in Christian culture, like who comes to mind? When I, when I talk about Christians, famous Christians or worship leaders like Kari Jobe and speakers, like Priscilla Schier, whoever in your mind, you think like the perfect Christian mom and wife and woman is… She still struggles.
(15:37):
Okay. So I’m going to start off with a bang because this guy may be one of the most well-known Christian evangelists of our time. And this is the quote, “the Christian life is not a constant high. I have my moments of deep discouragement. I have to go to God in prayer with tears in my eyes and say,’ oh God, forgive me or help me.’”
(16:00):
And that is a quote from Billy Graham. Billy Graham, like, are you kidding me? Here’s another quote on discouragement. “Disappointment is inevitable, but to become discouraged? There’s a choice I make. God would never discourage me. He would always point me to himself to trust him. Therefore, my discouragement is from satan.
(16:23):
As you go through the emotions that we have. Hostility is not from God. Bitterness, unforgiveness, all of these are attacks from satan.” Charles Stanley. And that is almost word for word. What I shared with you earlier in the beginning of this episode. And it was completely before I even found these quotes.
(16:40):
So there’s something there. Like that is the truth. And I think that you know that. I think that, you know, those things are not of God. They’re directly from satan. There’s one more quote. I’ve never heard of this woman. I probably should’ve looked her up before I just share a quote by her here. Her is Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
(16:58):
But I really like the quote, so I wanted to, to add it in here for you. It says, “one of the most valuable aids to meditation is scripture memorization. In fact, when I encounter someone who is battling discouragement or depression, I’ll often ask two questions. ‘Are you singing to the Lord? Singing, are you singing to the Lord? And are you memorizing scripture?’
(17:22):
These two exercises are not some magic formula to make all our problems go away, but they do have incredible power to change our perspective and attitude toward the issues we are facing.” And I just have to say that I have found this to be true in my own life. You may have found this to be true in your own life.
(17:40):
There’s a song by, is it Michael W. Smith? I think that’s his name, I’m blanking for some reason. It’s called This Is How I Fight My Battles or something along those lines. And he basically just repeats that over and over. And I really think that singing is one way that I have found that helps me to fight back the discouragement.
(17:59):
And any time I feel really down or heavy, I’ll play worship music. Maybe some of my favorite worship songs, sing them out loud, scream them, yell them. However you want to do it. Sing pretty, whatever you want to do in the car, in your house. Just listen to the worship music and sing the words, say the words, if you can. Because that is an act of fighting back, of engaging in this battle and kind of pushing back and showing satan, “look, I’m not, I’m not going there.
(18:27):
I’m not going to live here. This is what I’m here for. I’m going to praise God with these songs, with my words, with the attitude of my heart. And I’m focused on Him.” Since getting consistent with my morning routine, I’ve seen my faith grow tremendously because that’s the time I read my Bible. I pray, I meditate.
(18:45):
I get focused for the day. And if you’re wanting to start doing this, but you need to start small, like I did, then I want to encourage you to just start with five minutes a day and I’m actually running a free challenge right now. It’s a five day challenge that you can join. We did start yesterday, but if you’re desperate and are like, I need this.
(19:02):
Just join us and count tomorrow as day one. The link to join is below in the show notes. I’ll see you in there if that’s something you want to do. But, I know that being a mom is hard. Being a human is hard. And sometimes the best thing we can do is honor where we’re at and what we’re feeling. So let go of the pressure that society places on you. Let go of the pressure that you’ve placed on yourself.
(19:25):
Let go of this feeling that you should be at the certain place by now, or you should be this certain type of mom and just be. Just be you be who you are in Christ. Own where you’re at. Reconnect with yourself and God, and ask him to remind you of who you are in him and watch. As you consistently ask him these things, watch how your perspective begins to shift. How your life will begin to shift.
(19:50):
You’ll start to feel lighter up, I promise you. So if you found this episode helpful or encouraging, please rate and review the podcast. That’s the number one way episodes like this will find their way to moms who need to hear a message of hope. Maybe share it with a friend you think may enjoy it. And if you’d like to, you can always take a screenshot right now.
(20:09):
Tag me on Instagram @heyitscason. I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here. Thanks for hanging out with me. Thank you for your continued support. So exciting to be building this community of like-minded mamas who want more for their motherhood, but sometimes we have to talk about the hard things.
(20:25):
Okay. So I pray that this encouraged you and blesses you in whatever you’re doing today, wherever you are, whatever season of life you are walking through.
